Hatchets achieve 1st win of the season

It was a damp, wet, and moist night at the Spanish Centre in Acacia Ridge. In the darkness, a single fan stood to watch her favourite team, as the Hatchet’s established dominance over their opponents.

Already plagued by injuries the Hatchets claimed the first victory of their campaign with a 4-2 win over Southside Punjabi to see themselves elevated into 3rd place on the ladder. It was a tough victory for the team with the recent string of injuries. The team hopes and prays that starting centreback, Eric Shuffle, will overcome his pulled plantaris and pulled palmaris, but hope remains elusive as he continues to deadlift before every game.


Second-in-command Tej (puppet to Emperor Graves) developed a sophisticated new lineup, which saw 4 goals all from different players. The first goal was a much-deserved penalty as Josh Baker suffered a gruesome push in the back in the box that resulted in a T8 vertebral fracture. He subsequently converted that PK and out the Hatchets up 1 – 0. He would have gone to the hospital, but fear for his family’s life from Emperor Graves saw those plans destroyed.

Later on, in the first half, the Hatchets saw another goal. Little known to the entire squad, first-year Austin can run and dribble . . . at the same time. He managed to dribble past every player on the opposing team including the players on the bench and then dribbled into the goal. He would have kept running and dribbling after he scored but was eluded by the net. His long, head down, no pass run saw the Hatchets go up 2 – 0 in the first half.

On the other end of the field, Graves, confident in his team’s ability to win the game let in a goal to simply make things more interesting. Needless to say, it was a very popular decision as is every single decision he makes . . . or else.

At the start of the 2nd half, the boys were ready to go home. Tej, sick of being a puppet and planning a coup d’état decided to win himself some political leverage and scored a beauty after beating the keeper one on one. TBA when coup will take place. Hatchets up 3 – 1.

Goalkeeper Graves, again, thought, “let’s make this game more interesting” decided to let another goal in. The team was elated with this decision as they love making games close and stressful. Hatchets still up 3 – 2.

Munraj Singh, wary of his impending doom and return to Tinder, took the ball off of Darius and screamed at him, “LEAVE!”  and scored for himself. Replay footage revealed that Darius was point blank in front of an open net and could have scored easily if not for his own teammate, Munraj. With that goal, the Hatchets went up 4 – 2 and took home a win and a good goal differential.

The Hatchets are back on this Friday at 8:15 pm at Usher Park against Slack Creek. Tickets are still available, but supplies are limited.

About yankdownunderblog

An American learning medicine in Australia.
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