The Herston Hatchets have affirmed capitalism as the premiere economic system of the modern world, overcoming the Bolsheviks 4 goals to 2. The Hatchets were coming off an 10-0 loss last week after haemolytic anaemia ravaged the team’s offensive line, meaning only six Hatchets and two very special helpers could take to the field. As such, the team from Herston was keen to return to the winners list at CJ Greenfield Park.
The Hatchets started well, with numerous opportunities in the opening minutes. Eventually, it was up to ex-college legend Sam Grace to coolly slot the ball into the bottom corner off the half volley. I saw it from the bench it was wicked, but not as wicked as Sam was when he was King of Cromwell College. Thus, only six minutes in, the Hatchets were 1-0 up, and proceeded to park the proverbial bus.
In a similar manner to Mujahedeen insurgents repelling waves of Soviets in the Soviet-Afghan wars of 1979, the Hatchet’s were able to repel some crisp offensive play from the Bolsheviks, with US foreign aid coming from Trey McHale in offense. Frustration started to show in the opponent’s style, and at one point the Cold War heated up into open warfare. Sjor’s leg was the first causality, with Tej’s temper soon to follow. Fortunately, the referee was a true diplomat and at half time, the score was still 1-0 in the Hatchets’ favour.
The start of the second half found Putin’s Pioneers wanting, and the fleet of foot Moonie Singh managed to coolly slot the ball into the bottom corner off the half volley. He followed in up in almost identical fashion only one minute later, penetrating the iron curtain from behind before coolly slotting the ball into the bottom corner off the half volley. The Hatchet’s rampage was not done yet though, as only two minutes later, some cheeky footwork from Trey set up Dan Edey with a long shot from nearly half field. Luckily, Edey was able to coolly slot the ball into the bottom corner off the half volley. In the space of only 4 minutes, the Hatchets had amassed an unassailable four goal lead.
However, the Bolsheviks were not yet done with the game. After adopting a new formation (image below), the Red Army played with renewed gusto. Some sharp passing set up a goal in the 60th minute from K. Marx. A lack of bipartisan support led to a second goal being scored by Lenin. Worry began to tether on the fringe of many a young Hatchet’s mind, with memories of the loss against The Warriors in the 2016 semi-final still fresh.
However, the Hatchet’s defensive line was excellent, blocking out all further attempts to spread Communist propaganda, and the game finished with a two goal victory to Herston.
Three rounds into the season, the Hatchets are looking as stable as a democratically elected government.