Knockout cup round 2: Hatchets cleave school children

Written by Michael Gibney

The Herston Hatchets have started their FA Cup campaign in inspired form, demolishing Colleges United 8-3.

Winter had sent out its first chorionic villi, and there was a general chill on the air as the game began.  Alex was watchful as ever in defence, and braved the cold weather with the use of some audacious leggings.  Additionally, the team donned rainbow coloured laces to symbolise their full support of Rainbow Six Siege Las Vegas™.

It didn’t take long for the Hatchets to propel into the lead.  Collin’s well maintained semitendinoses launched him past the hapless defence.  A lateral cross found Moonie Singh who was waiting at the right iliac fossa of the six yard box, and was able to tuck the ball away into the epigastric region of the goals. Everyone was impressed by the team play, besides bench manager Tej Sidhu, who was critical of the College’s defence and thought Collin got lucky.

Only moments later the Hatchets lead was consolidated, with Collin again dribbling past the Colleges’ right back and crossing the ball into the box.  This time, the ball found Trey right on the talus and he was able to put the ball deep into McBurnies point.

The crowd (thankyou to Natalie, Conor and the other girl for the support) cheered as the Hatchets went up 2-0, except for Tej, who thought it was “really poor defence and a filthy goal”.

In a display of generosity typical of the Hatchets, some good offensive work saw the Hatchets concede two goals before half time. Tej thought that Colleges strung together a few “really nice passes” and displayed some “raw skill” to put two away. Always quick to react, the Hatchets changed their 1-1-8 field back to 4-4-2, and the flow of goals against them quickly dried up.

Finally taking the field, some questionable offside calls by the referee caused bench manager Tej to lose his cool, but the ensuing death threats fell (luckily) on deaf ears. They don’t call us the Hatchets for nothing.

Taking inspiration from the fire of Tej Sidhu, some quality finishes from Gibney, Edey, McHale and Nick Rigby saw the Hatchets get away to 8-3 in the second half. The win comes at a good time for the Hatchets, who can now look forward to being reunited with loved ones after Emperor Graves held them hostage during the week.

With their sister team, the Rusty Hatchets also victorious in their game against the Titans, the FA Cup is heating up to a potential derby showdown. Betting odds are set at $1.80 for a Hatchets victory, $1.01 that George will take a shot from more than 30m out, and $1.10 that Rigby will get confused and try to score for both teams.

Tickets are still available.

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