Round 1: Hatchets fend off Many Blacks

The Herston Hatchets ™ have started off their season in a commanding fashion after downing the Mullybrydale Many Blacks 2-1 last Friday.

The team was keen to get their season off to a good start, with supreme leader Graves threatening to exile our families in the event of a defeat. With this in mind, the Hatchets ventured out onto the hallowed turf of CJ Greenfield Park full of anticipation and fear.


The early moments of the game were unusual for the Hatchets, who were accustomed to having their legs taken from underneath them by 30 year old tradesmen. Indeed, the sportsmanlike behaviour of the opposition left the Hatchets confused and disoriented and they were forced to repel some good attacks from the Many Blacks.

Eventually, team utility Michael Gibney expertly curled an absolute zinger off the defender and into the bottom corner. I’ve seen some gems in my time, but this one really takes the cake. It was definitely a deliberate shot on goal and definitely not a cross, and it definitely was on purpose and skillful that it went in.

As the first 45 minutes drew to a close, the opposition rallied and strung together some good passes, which allowed the Many Blacks striker to smash in an equaliser off the half volley.

With the teams tied 1-1 at half time, the game hung in the balance. Although Coach Graves tried to lift the team with an inspired speech, what spurred the Hatchets on was the arrival of players from their sister team, the Rusty Hatchets. Seeing such a strong show of support from their comrades lifted the team onwards and upwards and the Hatchets came out firing in the second half.

The relentless attacks were compounded by some hard running, and it was clear mid-way through the second half that the Hatchets were the fitter of the two teams. Also the other team had ten men and no bench.

Eventually, the Hatchets were rewarded for their persistence, with new player Sam Grace(fully) slotting a header into the back corner. Alex no longer looked so Grave and the team began to Moonie Singh, as the win was all but aSjorsed.

Frustrated by the submission of a second goal, with 15 minutes to go the Many Blacks initiated a new playstyle, one that had been crafted from the 2005 WWE Wrestlemania game for Xbox. The best on the Many Blacks team at stringing together combo moves, the 6’4″ opposition striker managed to pull-off a finisher on Hatchets 5’3″ midfielder Georges Mehawed. This move was akin to the Undertaker’s tombstone, and was in fact so well executed that the referee gave a bonus penalty to the Many Blacks, whilst calling an ambulance for Georges.


Re-creation of Many Black’s striker tackling Hatchets midfielder Georges Mehawed. Penalty was awarded to Many Blacks striker.

The win could have been all the sweeter, with the Hatchets playing through the Many Blacks new style to create myriad opportunities to expand the lead in the last ten minutes. A glorious play by Donald Chang into the box gave Collin Greer an open shot on goal. However, as he was about to slot the ball in, the light of the moon reflected sharply off Bjorn’s bald dome, and threw the midfielder off balance, causing him to miss an easy opportunity to put the game to bed.

Thus the game ended in a 2-1 victory for the Hatchets, who were contented at their opening round performance.

Written by: Michael Gibney

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