Heads Will Roll

The Herston Hatchets FC Board of Directors has reprimanded controversial player-coach Simon Bennet over his decision to rest key right back Tom K prior to the Hatchets shock 3-0 loss to Warriors FC last Friday. Fans and players alike have unanimously panned Bennet’s contentious non-selection of the player many have dubbed ‘the most enthusiastic in Queensland Independent Football’.

Throughout the match, which some commentators have likened to ’22 pigs wrestling in mud’, the Hatchets were unable to pivot around their stalwart right defender. Right winger Dan E spoke candidly to Hatchets Insiders earlier in the week. “Yeah, I think the boys all played well individually, but we really were missing Tom’s presence in the back line. Particularly in the 35th minute or so, when we usually expect him to first take the field.”

Another senior Hatchets figure, speaking on condition of anonymity, also criticised the squad make-up on Friday. “When you make a team, it is like making a delicious pasta. You need-a to have all the right ingredients! Tom is the little slice of Ciabatta I have on the right side of my piatto. With a tomato bolognaise and a Sicilian red wine, mmm, Delicious!” – The obviously distracted player offered no further comment.

Despite tough questions from the media throughout the week, Bennet has defended the “rotation system” at a press conference this Thursday. “Yeah, look, I know there was an X factor missing in the right back position. It was a tough game. But if you will kindly flip your handouts to figure 6b, you can see Tom has one of the highest rates of injury per metre run. And you see in 6c, it’s even more pronounced on injuries per minute played. With that in mind, it becomes obvious that we’ll need to rest him to have him fit for the game against QUT FC – who you can see, in table 4, score a whopping 61% of their goals from an attack initiated on their left. The numbers don’t lie, gentlemen.”

Bennet has faced considerably less heat over the absence of Nick R on Friday night. The Raging Bull’s form has recently been called into question after he played 90 minutes the week prior – without scoring a goal. “Yeah, to be honest I’m glad he wasn’t there that night. His confidence could really have taken a hit, and really in a team like the Hatchets you can put anyone in that role and have them singlehandedly create chances – attacking’s the easy bit!”

Simon will be looking to silence the critics Friday week when the Hatchets take on QUT at home.

Hatchets Insider Thomas K found some free time recently to pen this special report.

This entry was posted in Serious Investigative Journalism. Bookmark the permalink.

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